Summary: A Pastor’s advice shows the power of radical feminism, the decay of Christianity, and why so many young men are having difficulty relating to women.
“How to Be a Happy Husband: Advice to a 15-year-old Son“
By J.D. Greear, pastor of The Summit Church, in Raleigh-Durham, NC.
“This is great advice for all the 15-year-olds out there, a helpful template for all the parents out there, and a much needed reminder to all the husbands out there!
{Much of his advice is conventional. Here are his unconventional recommendations.}
- “Don’t date just for fun.
- Look for a wife, not a girlfriend.
- Honor girls now by refusing to join in disrespectful banter that will occur with your friends.
- Assume that your girlfriend may be someone else’s future wife.
- Remember that your girlfriend is someone’s daughter and sister.
- Learn how to have conflict.
- Develop the skill to resolve conflict with compassion.
- Apologize (and don’t expect an apology).
- Demand respect for your wife, not from your wife.
- Never ever sleep on the couch. If necessary, sleep on the floor outside the bedroom door.“
——————————–
This advice is so bad as to defy rational analysis. Let’s create alternative subtitles for it. Post your suggestions in the comments!
How to become a beta orbiter, then marry as a beta provider,
ending as a divorced beta provider.
Why Christian churches are filled with children, women, and the elderly.
Feminism is winning. Even Christian conservatives have been converted.
Good news for Islam! Why it has a great future in America!
Most women want to have fun and build their careers for a decade before marriage. It is nuts to tell a 15 year old to ignore this fact. Also, there is little evidence that “learning to have conflict” improves marriages.
More important – Not all women want bad boys (aka men with dark triad behaviors) — although many do (e.g., that’s one reason Taylor Swift’s songs are so popular with women). But few women want a doormat for a husband. Most women find “pedestal polishers” a bore. I’ll bet most women consider it creepy for a husband to sleep on the floor outside the door after a fight, like a dog.
Most important – this advice is antimatter to a young man’s pride. Without pride, he is toast. A sensible 15-year-old young man will listen carefully, then conclude that Pastor Greear is a loon.
Pastor Greear is modern pastor!
Many conservative christian leaders have gone full radical feminist, showing the power of the feminist movement in America. Dalrock has documented this in a series of terrifying posts. Their beliefs range from ascriptural to contra-scriptural, but are quite PC.
See Dalrock’s posts about wife worship servant leadership (aka Women on Top), and the mutant variant of Complementarian theory (aka Women On Top, unlike the usual version). Here are few introducing you to this doomed religious movement. See it before it goes extinct!
- How to creep out your wife — “But not knowing how seduction works doesn’t stop Gregoire from offering six pieces of advice to creep your wife out.”
- Now get out there and reject passivity! — “Complementarians have the problem of wanting to seem biblically traditional, while avoiding actually being so.”
- The husband should be 99% servant, 1% leader.
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- For Father’s Day: revolutionary words that will forever change the American family.
- Men are going Galt. Marriage is dying. — A review of books from the cutting edge of the revolution.
- Marriage today – and its dystopian future.
- A college course teaches students to date. Fun & sad.
- “Celebs Go Dating” shows young women in action — Reality TV gives teens good advice about dating.
Professor Regnerus explains how to date
Premarital Sex in America: How Young Americans Meet, Mate, and Think about Marrying
Strongly recommended: Cheap Sex: The Transformation of Men, Marriage, and Monogamy
See my posts about Cheap Sex: Misadventures of a young woman in modern America. and Cheap Sex is the Inconvenient Truth in the end of marriage.
“Women will never hurt you – prepare for years of loyal service to your benevolent mistress!”
Yes, I’ve edited them a bit. Enjoy, or not according to your taste…
Addendum:
Never, ever, do anything when you’re drunk. In fact, barring accidents or sabotage, why are you drunk at all? Is that something a real man would do?
Finally, never ever believe anyone who assures you they’re taken proper precautions with contraception. It’s *your* responsibility every bit as much as its hers, if she gets it wrong, *you’re* going to pay a price.
Steve,
Thanks for updating the Pastor’s list! I formatted it for easier reading.
One small note: I’m skeptical about references to “real men.” It’s usually a fake, a backdoor way to convey moral values. For example, many “real men” (by any rational definition) often got drunk. Parties with heavy drinking have been a male “ritual” or behavior around the world across history.
Ok, take your point about ‘real men’ and thanks for the edit. Maybe just ‘men’ then. Real or imaginary.
The point about being drunk is that it all to often goes with a loss of control and deeply stupid, sometimes violent behaviour. There’s a difference between getting the buzz from a few drinks with friends and being drunk.
Drunk is rarely positive in real life even if Hollywood thinks differently. But then in Hollywood you can smash chairs and bottles on peoples heads with no ill effect.
Oh, while we’re sort of on the subject of heros and inspirational figures. I’ll take John Wayne in “The Searchers” any day of the week.
Steve,
I agree with you about drinking. It’s never improved my decision-making capacity, and in college I did some stupid things while under the influence.
Gentlemen: just a little New Testament reminder:
Jesus exhibited radical, outside the box behavior in his elevation of women to equality in the Kingdom of God. And from what I have learned from history about the world 2000 years ago, that was not the general practice of His day. Women had a very low status in Jesus’ day; they were considered, at best, property. And given that low status, the men who wrote the gospels would have had very little incentive to exaggerate Jesus’ inclusive behavior towards women. (or, for that matter his inclusive behavior towards the Samaritans and other gentiles.) Women appear in the New Testament at the critical junctures in Jesus’ story. (His mother Mary, his friends Mary and Martha , Johanna and Susanna, Mary Magdalene.
Women accompanied Jesus to the Cross, the men did not. Women were the first to see Him after He arose from the tomb.) To quote the apostle Paul: “There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” (Note: I am paraphrasing an opinion piece by Michael Gerson here, plus additional comments of my own.)
And, Steve Cook has done an admirable job in rephrasing the pastor’s comments. I would say that his advice is equally valid for both young men and young women.
Kathleen,
How is any of that relevant to this post? Would Jesus approve a husband sleeping like a dog outside his bedroom door?
Your comment is like Elle’s: crimestop (George Orwell’s term from 1984). When faced with ideologically disturbing views, the mind stops. Out pops a homily. While irrelevant to the text, it allows the speaker to have the righteous feeling of instructing the pagans.
I suggest you give us a quote from the text and explain why it is wrong. That will ground your text and allow discussion.
I agree that the gospels elevated the status of women in the sense you described. To this day, many rabbis thank God that they weren’t born women, slaves, or gentiles, yet those were the first people who were converted in the book of acts. Your assertion that only the women accompanied Jesus to the cross needs substantiation. Matthew 26 records Jesus’ disciples being scattered after his arrest and Luke records many people following him to Golgotha, including a large crow of wailing women (this was common in the ancient near east). However, when Jesus was on the cross telling his disciple John to take care of his mother Mary (John 19:26-27), had John not accompanied Jesus to the cross? Also, Simon of Cyrene carried Jesus’ cross and Joseph of Arimathea asked for Jesus’ body and he and Nicodemus prepared Jesus for burial.
Most of the disciples are conspicuously absent from the crucifixion narrative but we should be careful how much we read into that. It could be that the point was that Jesus was “the struck shepherd” and the sheep were scattered, not that the men bailed out.
Jesus treated women with dignity but he still gave men ultimate authority in the church and in the family in his ministry and through his apostles.
I may have some better advice for a 15 year old. In the end, after all the illusions about traditional marriage have been dispelled and the fantasies replaced with cold reality all that will remain is a financially binding contract enforced by the state hanging above your head ala the Sword of Damacles, carrying with it no benefits, only requirements and responsibilities.
Agree with your comment totally. Your description is very accurate. Child support follows a man after death and has claims upon a man’s dead bones (estate). Anyone who does not believe this should check current family law.
I’m curious why the pastor never uses and of the Biblical texts about marriage, such as Ephesians 5, 1 Timothy 2:11 1 Corinth 11, 1 Peter 3:1-7? What does he think of Grudem’s take on male headship?
My take on guys like Greear is that they’re in the new breed of celebrity pastor that reinforces their own status by winning over the women rather than the men who might usurp them. Dalrock has written much on Matt Chandler and Mark Driscoll, I believe.
PRCD,
“I’m curious why the pastor never uses and of the Biblical texts about marriage”
Few people have the integrity to include contrary evidence in their articles. Dalrock’s posts about “Headship” in marriage show that feminist christians have a lively relationship with scripture.
“My take on guys like Greear is that they’re in the new breed of celebrity pastor”
My impression from reading Dalrock’s many posts about feminist conservative christians is that there are a lot of them. Pastors, teachers, and gurus. They run a thriving business of selling books, films, and seminars. I would like to know the size of their audience — esp as a fraction of christians.
Larry,
Half the church-going population goes to churches of 100 or fewer members. These churches tend to have better theology, in my experience. Barna has been polling Christians since the 80s and found that 57% of evangelicals have beliefs that deny articles of the ecumenical creeds (Nicene, Apostle’s, Athanasian). Using this .5 estimator, we can assume that their audience is about half or somewhere in the neighborhood of 20-40 million people out of an evangelical population of 80 million, My raw numbers may be off but the estimator is not far off.. Is it any wonder manhood is in such bad shape these days when the Christian church even has failed to be salt and light?
I am happy that a first-generation masculinism is being born now at this dark hour. It may be too late for this civilization, but the right time for the next one.
PRCD,
“It may be too late for this civilization”
Western civilization has withstood severe threats. Don’t count us out yet.
The idea of husbands as “servant leaders” has been taken way too far also. Yes, Jesus came to serve and give his life as a ransom for many but do we pray to Jesus as Servant or Jesus as Lord? 1 Peter 3 suggests that – if marriage is a type of Christ’s union with the church – Jesus is Lord, not Servant. Sarah called Abraham “Lord.” When was the last time you heard that in church? I never have. The idea that you can’t ask your wife to submit or for her respect is nonsense also if marriage is a type of Christ’s union with the church. Does Jesus, our Head, have no right to demand our respect or submission? Of course not! When we pray, “Thy kingdom come,” we’re asking God in part to rule over our hearts and minds and to help us submit to His will.
Ministers are completely failing us. As a rule, the biggest problems in the church are those least preached-on.
My experience with churches and religious marital advice is that the woman is always right and the wrong.
Sven,
“is that the woman is always right and the wrong.”
I don’t understand. Pleaes explain that a bit more.
I believe the words “man is always” were omitted between the words the and wrong. S
Doug,
Thanks. I’ll bet that’s it!
Many conservative christian leaders have gone full radical feminist, showing the power of the feminist movement in America. Dalrock has documented this in a series of terrifying posts. Their beliefs range from ascriptural to contra-scriptural, but are quite PC.
“The customer is always right.”
Because the majority of “customers” of today’s churchian franchises are women, pastors depend on maintaining these women’s good will in order to keep pews full, and thus collection plates full as well. The vast majority of today’s pastors have no marketable skills in the real world (unlike the Apostles of the First Century church, all of whom had experience in a trade or profession), and thus rely on the contents of the collection plate for their sustenance. All of this means tickling the itchy ears of women, taking care not to hurt their feelings or offend them by making them aware of God’s expectations of them as outlined in Scripture – expectations that don’t include being “strong and independent,” “having fun,” or “riding the cock carousel.”
TL;DR version: Pastors today both fear the World (and thus bow before it) and have no faith in whatsoever in God to “have their back” when they preach His Word.
feeriker,
“Because the majority of “customers” of today’s churchian franchises are women”
I understand what you mean (trivia note: s/b women and the grey-haired set). But there are many men that would join churches that were not so pro-feminist. The Baptist churches I’ve attended have had strong male participation — and only light feminism from the pulpit. That’s a bit dated info, however.
Consider Matthew Henry’s commentary on Phillipians 2:19-21:
So it is always been the case, even from the early church, that most ministers are out for themselves, or at least a mixture of motives (“in comparison of Timothy”). Perhaps more need to hear from laymen on this matter?
I know this is a late addition to the discussion, but was not sure where to post this. I came across this article in the Washington Post (may be behind the paywall) however i was reminded of the discussion somewhere here on Fabius Maximus about the Christian adoption of feminism. Here is the link to the article:
“Rachel Hollis has wooed millions of women with her book. What’s her message?” in the WaPo, 10 Nov 2018.
She is described as the red state answer espousing blue state viewpoints- and is getting accepted readily by red state women. There is even a point where she cries out on stage for men to get “woke.” As soon as i hear that one, my head explodes. Thought i would post this for your all perusal, as it reinforces a lot of what has been written here.
Barry,
Consider Hollis as the next phase of 4th wave feminism. Of course modern American women love her message. It’s “me, me, me.” Suitable for women raised to be Disney Princesses.
Barry,
Thank you for posting that! It’s easy for guys to lose track of major changes in the thinking of American women.
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