Summary: A woman tells a tale of sexual dynamics in the #MeToo age, after feminism has conquered America. Men have adapted. Women demand even. Post your analysis in the comments.
“He Asked Permission to Touch, but Not to Ghost”
By Courtney Sender in the New York Times.
“A culture of consent, one woman argues, should be less about self-protection
and more about genuine care for the other person.”
They file this story under “modern love.” Perhaps they’re kidding. Perhaps not.
He treated her like a goddess. He asked permission for each move. After the second “date”, he promised to “cook me dinner next time: steak with sautéed mushrooms and a fig-balsamic reduction.” After more than a decade on the carousel, this New Woman had found Mr. Perfect. She had found one of the New Men. But he never calls. She decides society must change so that guys don’t pump and dump her.
Read it and post your analysis in the comments. Here is mine: there is always a counter-revolution; it is always unexpected. George Bernard Shaw explained how this works in his play “You Never Can Tell
VALENTINE. Have you ever studied the subject of gunnery – artillery, cannons and war-ships and so on?
MRS. CLANDON. Has gunnery anything to do with Gloria?
VALENTINE. A great deal, by way of illustration. During this whole century, my dear Mrs. Clandon, the progress of artillery has been a duel between the maker of cannons and the maker of armor plates to keep the cannon balls out. You build a ship proof against the best gun known: somebody makes a better gun and sinks your ship. You build a heavier ship, proof against that gun: somebody makes a heavier gun and sinks you again. And so on. Well, the duel of sex is just like that.
MRS. CLANDON. The duel of sex!
VALENTINE. Yes: you’ve heard of the duel of sex, haven’t you? Oh, I forgot: you’ve been in Madeira: the expression has come up since your time. Need I explain it?
MRS. CLANDON (contemptuously). No.
VALENTINE. Of course not. Now what happens in the duel of sex? The old fashioned mother received an old fashioned education to protect her against the wiles of man. Well, you know the result: the old fashioned man got round her. The old fashioned woman resolved to protect her daughter more effectually – to find some armor too strong for the old fashioned man. So she gave her daughter a scientific education – your plan. That was a corker for the old fashioned man: he said it wasn’t fair – unwomanly and all the rest of it. But that didn’t do him any good. So he had to give up his old fashioned plan of attack. You know, going down on his knees and swearing to love, honor and obey, and so on.
MRS. CLANDON. Excuse me: that was what the woman swore.
VALENTINE. Was it? Ah, perhaps you’re right. Yes: of course it was. Well, what did the man do? Just what the artillery man does. Went one better than the woman. Educated himself scientifically and beat her at that game just as he had beaten her at the old game. I learnt how to circumvent the Women’s Rights woman before I was twenty-three: it’s all been found out long ago. You see, my methods are thoroughly modern.
MRS. CLANDON (with quiet disgust). No doubt.
VALENTINE. But for that very reason there’s one sort of girl against whom they are of no use.
MRS. CLANDON. Pray which sort?
VALENTINE. The thoroughly old fashioned girl. If you had brought up Gloria in the old way, it would have taken me eighteen months to get to the point I got to this afternoon in eighteen minutes. Yes, Mrs. Clandon: the Higher Education of Women delivered Gloria into my hands; and it was you who taught her to believe in the Higher Education of Women.
————————
“My way of joking is to tell the truth. It’s the funniest joke in the world.”
— From “John Bull’s Other Island” by Shaw.
Dispatches from the front lines of the revolution, by Dalrock
- Watching gender dynamics in the wild (i.e., in bars): Calibrating attraction by controlling the venue.
- Will we have a nation of Overcivilized men and uncivilized women.
- The power of men over all women, including feminists: Lay down your arms.
- Neither the word nor the concept of “slut” can be legitimized: Yiayia and the empress’s new clothes and “Slut!“
- Modesty standards are sinful.
- Nude selfies and the complementarian male gaze.
- About abolishing school dress codes: Meet the new Yiayia. Her name is Sheila.
For more information
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- A look at America’s future after marriage becomes rare.
- Misadventures of a young woman in modern America.
- The disastrous results of trying to “have it all”.
- The coming crash as men and women go their own way.
- Modern women say “follow the rules while we break them.”
- “Celebs Go Dating” shows young women in action.
- Why women use cosmetics (the answer reveals much).
Books to help us understand the gender revolution
The Privileged Sex
Cheap Sex: The Transformation of Men, Marriage, and Monogamy
Oh, boohoo. A “sacred act”? Even her girlfriends mock those words. There is nothing sacred in what she’s been doing probably for the past decade. Furthermore it was women and their cries for consent that brought on the whole asking for permission.
In my experience it never pays to do that anyway, and contrary to all the you go grrl empowerment, whenever I started acting I was going to just take what I wanted the girl in question would melt like she was in one of those bestselling “romance” novels. I’ll let the reader work out the implications, and close by saying I have zero sympathy, for I can’t even count the number of times I’ve been ghosted or stood up. It comes with today’s Game. Get used to it or stop trying.
Muse,
I agree. But this guy is clearly a brilliant innovator. He’s turned the “Yes means Yes” into a tool to feed the ego of an American princess, and exploit her desire to feel not just empowered by dominant. It gives him fast easy sex.
Taking his tactic to the point of genius is knowing when to leave. It’s not something many guys will want to continue for long. It’s the wham-bam-goodbye for dealing with 4th wave feminists.
“I can’t even count the number of times I’ve been ghosted or stood up”
Those are privileges of a modern American princess. I doubt the girls feel bad about doing it.
The thing is that women wanted sexual liberation to rut like (some) men do. They got it and now they are still unhappy. Why? Women thought they could change their behavior but thought that the men would still be the 1950’s white knight. Wrong. Women changed so men changed to follow suit.
Said another way, women wanted to sleep around so men now expect women to sleep around and if they dont, the men move on to someone who will.
This and others are the great social experiments Larry mentions and he is right. The drastic changes made to society over 50 years to disrupt an apple cart that evolved over 10k years.
Now to the story NYT. That guy is a smooth apex sexual predator. He covered himself legally. He got the thrill of the chase, got what he wanted, came back a second time to prove that it wasn’t a fluke and is on to the next target.
.
Sven,
“Women changed so men changed to follow suit.”
Exactly. There is always a counter-revolution. Interesting that Shaw saw this so clearly in first wave feminism. “The more things change …”
There’s a Whitesnake song: “Would I Lie To You”. When I first heard it (long ago) I thought it mildly amusing in a schoolboy way. Now, it seems positively prescient. Released in….. 1981. There’s this:
And finishes …
Steve,
That’s a great demo of Ecclesiastes’ insight that “there is no new thing under the sun.” I added the Youtube video to your comment.
I don’t believe this tactic would’ve worked without the age gap. Excepting hippies and virginal Mormons, any pablum about a “sacred act” is nonsense. the language of a woman aware that her meal ticket is running out. Ordinarily young women would be too grossed out to put up with such nonsense; her girlfriends have no newfound sentimentality about sex. But after a decade of experience of one-night stands and weekend hookups, the writer straight-up admits she yearns for some semblance of care. Woman, thy name is Epiphany Phase.
I’ve seen this type of “provider game” start to emerge in NYC. Decent-looking young men with game play on the dual insecurities of older women (29-38) for easy lays. All the feigned respect and reverence appeals to her enlightened feminism; the attention in the face of impeding senescence tickles her ego too much to pay attention to the alarm bells. I’m no fan of it. I suppose it’s practical for guys with limited game but it might as well be scraping the bottom of the barrel. Then again, my sympathy for the women involved is nil too.
NEET,
Thanks for more context about this!
I’m too far from the front lines to have any feel for this strange new world. But I can see how it echos the past — which is important to know (but seldom seen).
At 24, I wonder if consent game is a conscious choice because it works better than not, or if this guy is so damaged from 4-6 years of the modern college environment he’s terrified. She says he looks scared, which could either be the acting “hook” that gets her, or a bad experience in his past.
Her ode to alpha-widowers and spinsterhood is precious.
http://www.theadroitjournal.org/issue-twenty-six-courtney-sender
The United States has not yet taken the Japanese road of infrequent sex, minimal marriage and way-below-replacement fertility. The danger with the #MeToo movement is that, working in concert with our devotion to our screens and our fear of commitment, it could help propel us down such a road. Alternatively, if the #MeToo movement ends up boosting considerate, committed and consensual sex, we may see a revival not only of good sex but of a renewed confidence in marriage and parenthood. As is so often the case with sex, the path America chooses will have enormous consequences.
– Politico, Feb 2018
https://www.politico.com/magazine/story/2018/02/08/why-young-americans-having-less-sex-216953
LOL
2 points jump out at me
The ultimate act of caring about the other was the concept of monogamy, marriage and having kids. But since all of that was and has been looked at as oppressive by feminists. This is what they get. Prescribe how a man should treat a woman, and when the good things where not appreciated but criticized and you get a robot in response doing exactly what your prescribed but you still want more. Gift horse mouth looking at it finest (terrible English on my part).
And did anyone catch that many of her sexual partners don’t come back. Maybe she sucks in bed. Did she ever consider that when a woman is a pain in the ass sometimes you sleep with her just Because you already put in so much effort and endured such BS that a guys wants the reward. Especially if you know she will clearly go for it and if she was a douche to you, it’s easy not to feel guilty about it.
DS,
(1) “you get a robot in response doing exactly what your prescribed but you still want more”
The guy in this story is clearly not a “robot.” He has adapted to his time, and knows how to play fourth-wave feminists at their own game.
(2) “And did anyone catch that many of her sexual partners don’t come back. Maybe she sucks in bed.”
We can only guess. My guess is that she’s at the wall (ten-plus years sexually active) and wants a “relationship” — aka marriage. She might be a high risk of an “accidental” pregnancy. Guys have fun then leave before she develops “expectations.” It’s easier on the guy, the earlier he walks away.
Want someone to care? GET A HUSBAND.
We once had a culture of genuine care for women. We once had a culture where men had to demonstrate some sort of care (read: emotional investment) for women to get access to sex. Women dismantled that because they wanted sexual freedom. There is nothing wrong with that, but someone should have told them that women’s liberation would mean men’s liberation as well.
Dragnet,
“someone should have told them that women’s liberation would mean men’s liberation as well.”
Nicely said. That’s the problem with changing society without thought or experiments: unintended consequences rule!
Great post
I guess this is a new form of game. Metoo pickup – this can only work though on liberal educated women. It works because it puts the woman in charge and women hate being in charge so they are likely to consent to his moves.
What I notice is that 100% Of these dating articles are always written by women. And 100% of them always blame men.
Paul,
“What I notice is that 100% Of these dating articles are always written by women. And 100% of them always blame men.”
I too have noticed that. They’re everywhere, not just in the traditional women’s media. The tend to read as if stamped from a template. I feel sad for most of the authors, lying in uncomfortable beds that they made with such effort.