Summary: Future historians might see the revolution in gender roles as the significant event of our time (i.e., “other stuff also happened”). But we make little effort to see how this might play out. Here are some of my guesses, very different from the pretty stories in the news media.
Women are delaying marriage to accumulate more education, establish their careers, and enjoy their newfound sexual freedom. What will happen when this generation of young women approach “the wall” — when they see their ability to attract men begin to fade and their fertility begin to decline — and they want to marry?
“When looking for a life partner, my advice to women is date all of them: the bad boys, the cool boys, the commitment-phobic boys, the crazy boys. But do not marry them. The things that make the bad boys sexy do not make them good husbands. When it comes time to settle down, find someone who wants an equal partner. Someone who thinks women should be smart, opinionated and ambitious. Someone who values fairness and expects or, even better, wants to do his share in the home.”
— Sheryl Sandberg (COO of Facebook) in her best-seller Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead
This non-patriarchal version of marriage — enforced by feminist-friendly family courts — works well for women. Men are increasingly sharing the housework. A women can have a man support her through their children’s difficult first years, then easily divorce him — getting both independence and child-support payments.
Result: In 2005/06 less than 60% of US adolescents (11, 13, and 15 years old) lived with both birth parents, per the OCED Family Database (source). That was the lowest level among OECD nations. That number is probably lower today — probably much lower.
None of this makes marriage look attractive to young men, especially with sex so easily available. Especially as marriage no longer has an economic foundation. It is a cost for many or even most men, often with few benefits.
There is another dimension to this. Women have long said that they “dress to please themselves.” Now many young women are doing so, living free from the “male gaze.” Walk through any college campus or business district. Each year you will see less makeup, more unisex clothing, and more unisex behavior. Doing so is a woman’s right, but it has consequences. It might further depress men’s interest in marriage.
The family is the core institution in America. It might not be so for the next generation, as marriage rates pass a tipping point. Our future might be as a nation of isolated, even alienated, individuals. What might that look like?
Women’s reactions to these changes
Feminism has opened new vistas for women’s live. But many women believe that marriage and family remain the sign of men’s maturity. These women see themselves as prizes. Refusal of men to marry them must mean that the men are defective — or that men worthy of them in short supply. Journalists and scientists work to supply supporting stories. Such as “Peter Pan Syndrome: A Man’s Fear of Commitment” at the Self-Love-Beauty website — “This is when a man is afraid to grow up. They usually put themselves first and do not want to commit to anything. They are unable to face adult feelings and responsibilities.”
Also common is advice for women, telling them how to get married in the new world. Such “Learn how to make him commit: The Secret Lives of Men” by Joel D. Amos. And we see rationalizations. Lots of rationalizations.
“Where have all the good men gone?” by Alana Kirk in the Daily Mail.
“Five single women share why they’ve struggled to find men worth dating. These sassy, sophisticated, solvent women say they are struggling to find other halves that can measure up.”
No low self-esteem for these women! Reverse the gender in those headlines. Not so sassy when said by men. Also, “sassy” has become a popular self-description among women. But how many men want a “sassy” wife? Moving on – bien pensant feminist scientists do earnest studies that come to the same conclusion: there is a shortage of “good” men (i.e, presentable, good incomes, willing to marry modern women).
“Gender and educational disparities underlying elective egg freezing“
The authors boldly state their observations.
“Women tell us frequently that they are freezing their eggs because the men they meet feel threatened by their success and so unwilling to commit to starting a family together.”
— Professor Geeta Nargund, Medical Director of the clinic Create Fertility (bio here). From The Telegraph.
“These are highly educated, very successful women and one after another they were saying they couldn’t find a partner. How could it be that all these amazing, attractive intelligent women were lamenting about their ability to find a partner?”
— Marcia Inhorn, Professor of Anthropology at Yale and former President of the Society for Medical Anthropology (her website). From The Telegraph.
They interviewed only the women to learn why men did not marry them. It is feminist science: always believe the woman. No need to ask the men. See the details about the study here.
Even the tabloids have joined the game, featuring women complaining that men are at fault for not buying what they’re offering. As in the Daily Mail: “Are reluctant men to blame for so many women being childless?” The answer is, of course, yes. Women are eternal victims, without responsibility for their woes.
“Sadly, it seems that the majority of these childless women desperately wanted a family. Jody Day, founder of Gateway Women, a support network for childless women, says that her research shows 10% of such women are childless due to infertility and 10% have chosen to be child-free. But that leaves some 80% of women without children who have simply ended up in this situation.
“Melanie Whitehouse is certainly one of these women. And she is clear about the cause of her childlessness: men. Or rather, the lack of men who were willing to settle down and start a family with her. The heartbreaking realisation that she was never going to have a baby struck late – in her 50s, while at a reunion lunch with her first boyfriend, whom she had dumped on a whim.” {Hat tip on this story to Dalrock.}
But such complaining does not produce weddings. Hence the “happy and single” genre of women’s lit. Such as “I Didn’t Expect To Be Single At 42. Here’s How I’ve Embraced It.” by Jenn Maronek at (of course) HuffPo. See her Instagram page for photos of her and her cats.
Speculation about implications of this revolution
So far the most common response to these developments has been to pretend that our society will roll on, despite radical changes to its most fundamental machinery. We close our eyes while running forward. Instead let’s try to look ahead, aware that we can only guess at the results of the gender revolution (only a few aspects of which were mentioned above). Here are a few of my guesses. Post yours in the comments.
(a) Marriage rates drop.
Women reach the age at which they want to marry — but find fewer men interested in what they offer.
Fertility drops, especially after development of a male contraceptive pill (fewer “accidental” births). More frustrated women. More cats in America (many domestic species of birds are hunted to extinction). Slower economic growth. More demand by businesses for immigrants (otherwise wages would rise). Per de Tocqueville, fewer US citizens will have strong attachment to our political regime (after me the deluge is a logical policy for the childless).
(b) Less motivated men in the work force.
Hard-working beta fathers are a core power sources of America. In the ancient regime, men worked to gain the affection of pretty, good women. With that option gone, many of America’s future young men will work only enough to survive and buy their rewards of beer, video games, sports, and drugs (porn is almost free). They will consider big cars, marriage, and kids as bizarre forms of conspicuous consumption — not worth the effort.
(c) Alienated young men are the bricks to build mass movements.
Past societies with large numbers of unmarried men had them integrated into families, clans or other intermediary social structures. America has them as alienated individuals, ripe for recruitment in movements that give their lives more meaning and hope. Young men form packs easily and quickly. The process is, to coin a phrase, beyond good and evil.
Hitler explains how to do this in his autobiography Hitler in Hell
What might such a movement look like? Religious, like Islam or Mormonism? Secular, like Fascism or Marxism? Robert Heinlein describes such a revolution ending with a Darwinian free intellectual society, with an enlightened but still macho masculinity (Beyond This Horizon
(d) These trends will affect each social class very differently.
Details about that I will save for another day.
Conclusions
American society is changing fast, driven by ideologues who just know what’s best for us. They see no experimentation or incremental trial and error. We have the equivalent of monkeys in the control room of a complex plants — an automobile factor or nuclear power station — spinning the dials and flipping switches. Our youth are guinea pigs in the vast social policy experiment with radical feminism, just as the people of Russia and China were for communism.
We can only guess at the outcomes. But extreme outcomes, extremely bad outcomes, seem likely.
We are volunteers, or perhaps easily herded sheep. But we can still take control of these processes, one family at a time. One organization at a time. One community at a time.
For More Information
Here is the invaluable Dalrock’s much briefer version of the same message.
Ideas! For ideas about using Holiday cash, see my recommended books and films at Amazon.
If you liked this post, like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter. See all posts about society and gender issues, about feminism, about marriage, and especially these…
- Do we want to bring back traditional marriage? What is traditional marriage?
- Men are “going Galt”. Marriage is dying. Will society survive?
- Men are abandoning the rat race, & changing American society — see the data.
- Why men are avoiding work and marriage.
- Will young men break America’s family structure?
- Will today’s young men marry? America’s future depends which of these answers is right.
- Our society will be shaped by technology as porn and sexbots destroy 21st century marriage.
- For Father’s Day: revolutionary words that will forever change the American family.
- Classic films show what marriage was. Facts show its death.
- Cheap Sex is the Inconvenient Truth in the end of marriage.
Some great books that can help us understand our situation
Sex in History
Survival of the Prettiest: The Science of Beauty
Cheap Sex: The Transformation of Men, Marriage, and Monogamy
Men and Marriage
