Ignore the froth. This is the core of the gender wars.

Larry Kummer, Editor

8 years ago

Summary: As I began to write what I hope is the last in this series about solutions to the gender wars, it became obvious I had made a mistake. Seven posts described our situation and how we got here. But I never gave a summary of the problem. Without that, discussions of solutions are pointless, and coalitions to make reforms are impossible. Here is my attempt at a statement of our problem. Coming next: solutions.

Loss of trust

Reforms to public policy during the past fifty years (and continuing today) were well-intended adaptations to cultural and technological changes. But they were made on the basis of feminists’ ideology – with little or no foundation of research and testing. Their effects are legion and too complex to assess. But one has become visible to those who wish to see: the trust between men and women has been damaged – and continues to unravel. That would be tolerable in societies that have rigid family and social structures, with punitive enforcement mechanisms. We do not. We instead relied on trust for the smooth operation of our social machinery.

The most obvious result is the change in marriage. Both partners vow “until death do us part.” But women have aggressively used the option of ending marriage at any time, taking the children and having the father pay for them (plus a large chunk of their savings, often from his earnings). Cultural inertia for a generation prevented men from seeing this change. Now they slowly become aware of it. How we got here no longer really matters. Blame is useless.

I doubt our high rate of marriage will survive the spreading of this insight. Not all women divorce to gain their independence (i.e., without the usually accepted causes). But what matters is men’s inability to distinguish women who will from those who will not.

The fractured bonds of trust between men and women are spreading like cracks in a window. For a decade Anita Hill benefited from the support of Clarence Thomas. Until 1991, when he learned that she said he had sexually harassed him. As countless men have learned since, women have the right to receive support for men without any notification that they consider themselves to be harassed, then years or decades later publicly denounce them. Campuses create kangaroo courts lacking the most basic legal safeguards to convict and punish men. Behavior that occurred a decade before, behavior accepted for generations, becomes occasion for punishment.

Cultural standards change. That is (usually) considered progress, the nature of Western civilization. But the way these reforms – still in progress – have been done leave men little basis to trust the women they deal with in both business and socially. How many women will make false accusations? Nobody knows? How many will respond to changes in 2028 to denounce your behavior today? Nobody knows.

Laws can be changed. Institutions can be reformed. But trust is everything, and lost trust cannot easily be regained.. Time will tell how large are the effects of our lost trust, and how this will evolve over time. Meanwhile, watch more men adopt the “Pence rule”.

“In 2002 Mike Pence told The Hill that he never eats alone with a woman other than his wife and that he won’t attend events featuring alcohol without her by his side.” {Source: WaPo.}

The gender polarization that drives society.

A unisex society. A possible problem. Perhaps more serious.

Physical engines run on the difference between the two sides of the equation. Hot to cold for the heat engines that power our civilization. High to low in hydropower plants. From high polarization to low in electrical engines.

We are conducting an experiment to see if that powers western society. What is the role of gender differentiation? The Boomers and Millennials have enrolled our children in a giant social experiment, raising children with unisex methods. Each generation has grown up to increasingly dress alike, talk alike, think alike, and behave alike. Boys as girls. Girls as boys.

As always, the change appeared first in fiction. Books, TV, and films reflect a more unisex world. Change the names and pronouns in books (e.g., military science fiction), TV, (crime shows “Castle” and “Forever”), and films (Star Wars: The Force Awakens). A reader cannot identify the gender of the characters.

Now we see how this will play out in real life. It is too soon to call this a problem. But it might become one. Perhaps the most serious one we face.

It is sad to watch parents here in the San Francisco Bay Area. They enroll their little girl in sports at age 8, buy her LEGOs and science kits, praise her effusively when she acts like a tomboy, encourage her to value career and independence above all things, and think of herself as a leader. By age 30 she has had 30 partners. By 40 she has three cats and no kids. The parents wonder what happened, but see no relation between this outcome and their actions long ago.

Conclusions

The breakdown of trust is the core problem in the gender wars. Women have become afraid of men breaking the rules: rape, date rape, sexual harassment, and a thousand forms of oppression. Men fear women breaking wedding vows, of being punished today ex post facto (for behaviors accepted in the past but unacceptable today), of false claims (consensual sex reinterpreted as rape days or week later).

All these things have been part of life since the dawn of history. Cultural progress has made these fears stronger and weakened the bonds of trust that allows society to function. This loss of trust is acid on the foundation of society.

Both men and women are reacting logically to this. Women are speaking out. Women going their own way, either through divorce or never marrying (fish don’t need bicycles). Men are speaking out. Men are going their own their own way (MGTOW) by never marrying (or not re-marrying after being divorced). It is defensive driving on the path of life.

We can only guess at how this will evolve in the next decade or so. I doubt it will work out well for us.

And in the future lie the changes from our shift to a more unisex society. I suspect those will be far larger than anything our society has seen in a long time. Perhaps the largest since the great change from 1850 to 1950. I doubt that we will enjoy them.