Summary: Ocean’s 8 is a great chick flick, but might induce life-threatening boredom in guys. This review has spoilers galore, because I watched this film so you do not have to.
Cigarettes have labels warning that their nicotine thrills come at a high price. Especially exciting roller coasters have signs warning that people with poor hearts should not ride them. Theaters showing Ocean’s 8 should have signs warning men that watching this might result in death by boredom. It consists largely of scenes showing women looking at screens, clicking on mouses, and walking around. The plot advances at a glacial pace. Plus lots of gal-chatter.
“Lipstick, what do you think {of it}?”
“Barbie. In a good way.”
Heist films often have mostly boring preparatory action scenes, and rely on the charisma of the actors and the wit of the writers to make them work. The writers failed miserably. The plot rolls predictably along, without suspense or surprise. The caper is a paint-by-the-numbers affair.
The actresses are first-rate, including Sandra Bullock, Cate Blanchett, Anne Hathaway, Mindy Kaling, Sarah Paulson, Rihanna, Helena Bonham Carter, and Awkwafina. But they are given little to do. The characters meet only minor obstacles and so remain placid throughout. They have neither chemistry nor human interest. Unlike the 1960 original (see below), their interactions are uninteresting. The film’s emotional arcs are flat. Sandra Bullock retains the same expression, her trademark smirk, throughout most of the film. They rest look uninterested.
Like so many other films these days, the film-makers attempt to have grrl-power carry the plot. The girls are stalwart and loyal — and all but one are single. For good reason. Most are combinations of weird and hard.
The one major guy in the plot is a weasel, and not very bright (his stupidity carries the plot at a key point). Sandra Bullock threatens him, and he bows before her righteous anger (as guys always do in modern films, since it is wrong to hit girls who attack you).
Like so many other films these days, it demonstrates the value of Game. Sandra Bullock goes for bad boys. She explains a core game tactic: Women are excited by indifference to them (e.g., avoid eye contact) – it is an aphrodisiac to them.
Like so many films these days, it is amoral. Spoiler: the gals get away with the loot. Films in the America-that-once-was encouraged people to act better, even to be better. Now films like Ocean’s 8 encourage people to be parasites. Here is the big inspirational speech given by the caper’s leader, Sandra Bullock. Both dumb and bad for America.
“You are not doing this for me. You are not doing this for yourself. Somewhere out there there is an eight-year old girl lying in bed, dreaming of being a criminal. Let’s do this for her.”
Whose fault is this mess?
It is an all woman ensemble. One of the two writers is a woman. Therefore there is only one logical person to blame, as Emily Yoshida explains at New York Magazine’s Vulture.
“I left Ocean’s 8 more convinced than ever that no amount of fierce, fantastic female ensembles can overcome the mediocrity of a dull male director.”
Ticket sales in the Ocean’s franchise
Box Office Mojo has the global box office sales for each of the Ocean’s films. They also show average US ticket prices by year, so we can roughly adjust for inflation.
Ocean’s Eleven (2001) : $450,717,150 – $730 million in our prices.
Ocean’s Twelve (2004): $362,744,280 – $535 million today.
Ocean’s Thirteen (2007): $311,312,624 – $414 million today.
Ocean’s 8 as of June 29 (22 days): $204,082,181.
See the original, better version
I recommend watching the 1960 original that spawned this series: Ocean’s 11
Bosley Crowther of the NYT wrote an ambivalent review. He was bothered that “A surprisingly nonchalant and flippant attitude toward crime – an attitude so amoral it roadblocks a lot of valid gags. But he finds that film is “genuinely amusing – very funny in spots – the dialog is cleverly written and the roles are deftly and colorfully played.”
The plot is gripping, with a great twist at the ending. This was made during the reign of the Motion Picture Production Code (aka the Hays Code), which governed the ending.
For More Information
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Trailer for Oceans 8
