Summary: Men often criticize women for the high rate at which they divorce their husbands. Women often do so because they value their independence, strength, and pride – despite the high cost of these new values to themselves and their families. America will have to adjust to its new women, or become destabilized.
Although there are no firm numbers, all experts agree that women initiate the vast majority of divorces (in some fashion, there are 50 ways to do it). This is odd, since women’s income usually drops after marriage (see here). Some feminists consider this an unfair inequity. Some men consider the deal unfair for men: that women are usually the ones pushing for marriage, pushing to have kids – and then men pay a steep price when their wife says that was kidding when she said “until death do us part” (i.e., it meant until she evolved).
It is a sterile debate, to be resolved by the men and women of Generation Z. How many will decide to marry? How many of those will divorce? I believe that their decisions will radically change the current unsustainable model of marriage and family life. But while we wait, we can learn much from looking at marriage today. For instance, why do women divorce when it is against their economic interests? Surveys tell us little, people’s answers being notoriously unreliable. But there is a seldom given positive perspective to divorce.
People with shallow minds regard money as the highest good, and believe that rational actions are those that maximize their wealth. Many women divorce because they have other values. They regard money as less important than independence, pride, and personal strength. That is what the past few generations of girls have been taught. Songs and books extoll women’s self-esteem and self-regard. Women have celebrated their tough and aggressive (even belligerent) character in songs, such as Helen Reddy in “I Am Woman” (1971, lyrics), Etana in “I Am Strong” (2012, lyrics, video), and Katy Perry in “Rise” (2016, lyrics, video). Textbooks, films, TV shows, and women’s studies courses teach girls and women similar messages.
Now women shape their lives according to these lessons. These values are usually considered noble virtues in western civilization. But however estimable, this shift in values washes away the foundation of our society. Women now break their families, often giving up partial custody of their children to embrace a lonely life of self-reliance and pride. (Some re-marry, but those marriages have even higher divorce rates than first marriages.) Those around them are collateral damage, such as their children. Husbands who were unaware of their wive’s philosophy receive an expensive education. Boys watching these dramas unfold in their families learn lessons about life (only time will tell how they apply this knowledge).
Girl’s Game shapes modern marriage
How do women integrate these values into their lives? They use Girls’ Game. First, romance a man to get married. Most women want children, and middle- and upper-class women are careful to not do so until they have a ring on their fingers (men’s assistance and money makes the first few years much easier).
Weddings have become the Party of a woman’s life, in which they are Queen for a Day. This is new. In the past weddings were modest, except for the rich. See the wedding in The Best Years of Our Lives
Then have some kids. The husband provides support during those first few difficult years raising the children. When the children go off to school, file for divorce. There are always reasons: he does not meet her needs, she has grown, etc. Then get community property, child support, and independence. It is a logical strategy for women raised to value their independence, pride, and strength above all else.
Now Girl’s Game has become respectable. See this extreme example: “I’m A Woman Who Cheated On Her Deployed Husband, This Is Why I Did It“. She collects his pay and plans to leave him eventually, using feminism to justify her actions. Dalrock’s website has a vast collection of women’s conversations from Christian conservative websites with similar views. Dalrock states the harsh truth about modern marriage.
“One of the ways we deny the obvious truth {about divorce} is by declaring any man whose wife succumbs to the temptation to betray her marriage vows a ‘deadbeat’. Deadbeat has become a euphemism for a man who has been kicked out of his family, and we tell ourselves that such men deserve the cruelty our family courts visit upon them. That a man is in so wretched a state after the family courts get through with him is all the proof we need that he is a loser who deserved what was coming to him.”
The other result of Girls’ Game is loneliness. To make a life alone more likely and prepare for it, women are taught that loving themselves is the highest love. See these music videos by Christina Aguilera, Whitney Houston, Katy Perry, Hailee Steinfeld, and Fifth Harmony. Surveys show that women are less happy in their new lives than their oppressed mothers (e.g., here and here). But all values have a price that must be paid.
Conclusion
The dynamics of marriage have changed over time. The current system is broken and unsustainable. Millennial girls had a golden age of Girls’ Game. Gen Z’s girls inherit its wreckage, as men see Girls’ Game and lose interest in playing. The coming changes to marriage will dwarf anything seen in the past. How we revise our society will be one of America’s greatest challenges.
Other posts in this series
- Can a strong America be built with broken families?
- We teach boys that marriage doesn’t work.
- Women embrace higher values, destroying their families.
- America’s families are broken. Dreams won’t build new ones.
For More Information
Ideas! For shopping ideas, see my recommended books and films at Amazon.
If you liked this post, like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter. See all posts about women and the gender wars, about marriage, about fathers, about divorce, and especially these posts about the modern American family …
- Important: For Father’s Day: revolutionary words that will forever change the American family.
- A look at America’s future after marriage becomes rare.
- The young women trampled by the Women’s March.
- The disastrous results of trying to “have it all”.
- The coming crash as men and women go their own way.
- Modern women say “follow the rules while we break them.”
- “Celebs Go Dating” shows young women in action.
- Liberated women still need men. – Who knew?
- Can a strong America be built with broken families?
Two books by Professor Regnerus about the revolution
Mark Regnerus is a professor of sociology at the University of Texas at Austin. See his website and Wikipedia entry.
Premarital Sex in America: How Young Americans Meet, Mate, and Think about Marrying
Recommended: Cheap Sex: The Transformation of Men, Marriage, and Monogamy
