Summary: We are changing the core values of our society without thought or care. Such as our definitions of virtue and the value of chivalry. Here Dalrock describes this revolution and a post-chivalric America.
This material in this post is old hat to most young men. They have grown up in a world in which only fools are “white knights” (women either mock or exploit them) and chivalry is for losers (women prefer bad boys). We have changed a distinguishing characteristic of western culture with little thought for the consequences. It is a revolution with few precedents in history. Only time will reveal the results.
Here Dalrock explores these intangible changes in our society, developments we can only subjectively sense and try to describe. Only time will reveal their nature.
A note about chivalry – It is a real thing, not just being nice to women. While its meaning has changed over the past thousand years, it has always been a core value in western society. As evidence that this is no longer so, see the fierce hostility to it on Wikipedia.
You may have heard of a concept called “Game.” Probably you suspect that this concept poses a dire threat to our most cherished values. You are correct. Game is fundamentally incompatible with our values and erodes the foundations of our society. Even the proponents of Game agree!
Chivalry and the virtuous man.
Feminists may object to the concept of chivalry, but it is closely related to how we measure the virtue of a man. Moreover, without chivalry feminism would be ineffectual, as feminism is the belief that men are evil and naturally want to harm women, followed by pleas to men to solve all of women’s problems. I hereby dub this Dalrock’s Law of Feminism.
While chivalry is closely related to how we measure the virtue of a man, a man’s chivalry is not how we measure a man’s virtue. In our society, a man proves his virtue by his ability to seduce women. I don’t mean this merely in the sense of locker room boasting or the values of a small group of “pickup artists”. I mean this in a much more fundamental sense.
As a society, we are obsessed with generating sexual attraction in women. We see this ability as the purest test of goodness in a man. A woman’s feelings of sexual attraction are a mystical force, godlike for non-Christians, and God’s message for Christians. We can’t see how crass this is because we call it romantic love, but romantic love is far more intertwined with sexual desire than we are willing to admit. Our very concept of romantic love connoting virtue comes from the same 11th century poetry that brought us the idea of chivalry. To truly seduce a woman is to make her fall in love with you.
Generating the tingle (attraction) is an obsession with our society, and you can see it in our popular films. The Fifth Element is over the top in this regard on the secular side, as is Fireproof on the Christian side (see Dalrock’s analysis).
We believe that good things should happen to men who can generate the tingle. This is why we reserve our daughters’ most sexually attractive years as a reward for such men. Our greatest fear in doing this is that our daughters might become confused and bestow their gift of sex on the wrong (unsexy) men. Luckily there’s an app for that.
This is also why we need no-fault divorce and child support. It is important that we encourage men to settle down and become fathers, and yes it is important that children have the immense benefit of growing up with their fathers. These are good things, but when these objectives interfere with our core values, it is our core values that must prevail. What court in the land could overrule the woman’s sexuality? If she no longer tingles for the father of her children, he deserves to be ejected from his children’s lives and have a more sexy man take his place. Think of the vitriol we heap on men who dare to complain when this happens to them. They are the lowest of the low in our society, except perhaps for those most detestable men of all, the omegas who can’t attract a woman at all.
All of our sexual morality is directly anchored to the tingle. The #metoo movement doesn’t object to women trading sex to get ahead, it objects to the fact that in doing so such women are enticed into having sex with unsexy men!
What about virtue in women?
While the ability to generate sexual attraction is how we measure virtue in a man, we measure virtue in a woman by her ability to be strong and independent.
Bad women are doormats with low self-esteem who commit the cardinal sin of being untrue to themselves. Good women are strong and independent, and most of all, true to themselves. All of our moral messaging to young girls is designed to spur them to fight against the temptation to conform to someone else’s idea of what is good. In the UK the Girl Guide vow has changed over time from obeying God to be true to myself and develop my beliefs.
Every girl in the west can sing along with the moral message from Disney’s Frozen. Elsa’s moment of triumph comes when she learns she must stop trying to be a good girl and instead be true to herself:
“Be the good girl you always have to be
Conceal, don’t feel,
don’t let them know
Well now they know …
“And the fears that once controlled me
Can’t get to me at all
It’s time to see what I can do
To test the limits and break through
No right, no wrong, no rules for me,
This is because we strongly believe that women deep down have a mystical gift for understanding what is truly good, which is why a woman falling in love with a man is the purest sign of his virtue.
Chivalry keeps our concepts of male and female virtue in harmony.
As I already noted, chivalry is what converts feminist demands into concrete action. But chivalry is also the way we reconcile the concepts of male and female virtue. Our unstated assumption is that being chivalrous is sexy. This is why Game is such a corrosive concept in our society. Game teaches that chivalry is an attraction killer, and that women are instead attracted to a host of traits that are neutral at best.
The problem is that young men now can see that Game works. This is true even though few men can master Game in practice. The men who fail at seduction can see the men who succeed. They learn the painfully truth that chivalry is an attraction killer. Making it worse, not only are young men highly motivated to have sex – but our society is ordered around the belief the ability to seduce women is the mark of virtue in a man.
Even if a man rejects Game on the grounds that premarital sex is immoral, he still has to grapple with the fact that sexiness is the mark of male virtue in our society – and most Christians agree. As Dr. R. Albert Mohler Jr. (President of The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary) explains.
“Put most bluntly, I believe that God means for a man to be civilized, directed, and stimulated toward marital faithfulness by the fact that his wife will freely give herself to him sexually only when he presents himself as worthy of her attention and desire.”
The threat that Game poses is not that large groups of men will learn how to put it into practice. Rather it assaults young men’s belief that chivalry is sexy (atttactive to women) and therefore virtuous. Even worse, a young man need know nothing of Game to be at risk of concluding that chivalry isn’t sexy. This insight is slowly making its way through our culture.
Game is corrosive to our moral order because attempts to counter it make the corrosion worse. Lectures on the importance of chivalry will be met with ridicule, since chivalry is unsexy. Lecturing men to be unsexy for the sake of virtue will likewise fail because our very definition of male virtue is sexiness.
It will get worse from here, because as Game dissolves the moral case for chivalry it dissolves the foundation for sustaining feminism. This in turn jeopardizes the virtue of women by making it harder for women to be true to themselves. Without chivalry converting feminist theory into practice, millions of women will find it harder and harder to stop trying to be good girls and adopt a “No right, no wrong, no rules for me” attitude.
Game is destroying our most cherished values, our very concept of virtue. As a Christian all I can say is this destruction can’t happen quickly enough.
By Dalrock from his website, 16 March 2018.
Reposted with his generous permission.
He is a married man living with his wife and two kids in the Dallas/Fort Worth area. He is very interested in how the post-feminist world impacts himself and his family, and uses his blog to explore these issues. See his website. and his posts about marriage, about fatherhood, and especially these posts ….
- Modern Christian culture’s deep antipathy for fathers.
- Updated U.S. Custody and Child Support Data (2015).
- Erasing “fathers” from Scripture.
For More Information
- Is a return to traditional values possible?
- Society changes as men learn the Dark Triad.
- Game is toxic to feminism.
- Red Pill knowledge is poison to marriage.
- Women unleash their rage! Beta males revolt!
- A bull elk teaches men about toxic masculinity.
- The death of romance in America.
- Fourth-wave feminism on TV, shaping a new America.
Two major books about modern marriage
The classic: Men and Marriage by George Gilder.