Summary: As a break from our usual fare, today’s post gives advice to men. Here is advice from an expert for men too awesome to attract a woman. It is rich with lessons about our future.
After eight score posts describing the gender wars and guessing about their end, let’s do something different. Here is advice — hot from the manosphere — for elite men about finding the right woman. The full article is even more awesome. Read this post to the end to get the rest of the story, the surprising pearl in this clam.
“You’d think that being an all-around awesome person would make it easier to find a great girl to be with, but the opposite is often true. It might seem contradictory at first, but these are some of the reasons why being an amazing man often means spending a lot of time single.
- “You’re often seen as being out of someone’s league. …It’s not that they don’t think you’re amazing – they just think you’re TOO amazing …
- You’re a lot to handle – in a good way. Truly awesome men are often a mixture of a lot of things, and the result can be a bit overwhelming for some girls. …even a lot of great women can’t handle that kind of brilliance.
- You don’t settle for mediocre. …You’re great enough to deserve the woman of your dreams, and you’re smart enough to know that settling for anything less than that would be a disservice to yourself. …
- Your confidence is intimidating. …You know that you’re pretty darn great. …
- You’re not scared of being alone.
- You know what you want. Truly awesome men have their act together, and they know what they want out of both life and love. …
- You attract the wrong people. The great thing about being amazing is that a lot of people can see what a catch you are. …
- You have seeming infinite patience. Once you do get into a relationship, your forgiving nature is usually a large part of what helps it last for so long. Your patience is part of what makes you such a beautiful person …
- You’re always busy. …The reason your life is so fulfilling is because you have so much going on …
- You expect as much as you give. You’re generous in just about every aspect of your life …When you’re as amazing as you are, though …”
This is an excerpt from “The More Amazing You Are, The Harder It Is To Find Love” at Bolde.
“Bolde is a platform for single men to express themselves about dating & relationships. Our editorial mission is to inspire open and uninhibited conversation about what it’s like to be single and dating today, how to lead fulfilling lives as single men (because a partner is NOT a requirement for an amazing life), and how to have the healthiest and most satisfying relationships. We are not one person with an agenda but a platform for hundreds of amazing, brilliant and opinionated writers to share their perspectives on a variety of topics.”
These guys are big wins for the California Task Force to Promote Self-esteem. This article reads like a pre-written plea for help by someone smug, lonely, and baffled. Such men deserve our pity (although it would take a saint to give it). But this article does not help them. These guys are being rejected, and being too amazing is probably not one of the reasons. They need help from a buddy, parent, or grandparent. Someone to explain what they are doing wrong. Perhaps too much self-esteem?
Now, the rest of the story
As you have probably figured out, this article is not real. Even in the extreme reaches of the manosphere, nobody would write approvingly about such self-absorbed, vain, and arrogant men. But the article is real, and people do write approvingly about such people — when they are women (I reversed the genders in the article). It’s an exciting new genre in chick lit.
My favorite example is “Where have all the good men gone?” by Alana Kirk in the Daily Mail – “Five single women share why they’ve struggled to find men worth dating. These sassy, sophisticated, solvent women say they are struggling to find other halves that can measure up.”
Another example, with great quotes, is “Shortage of eligible men has left women taking desperate steps” by Laura Donnelly in The Telegraph.
“Women tell us frequently that they are freezing their eggs because the men they meet feel threatened by their success and so unwilling to commit to starting a family together.”
— Professor Geeta Nargund, Medical Director of the clinic Create Fertility (bio here).
“These are highly educated, very successful women and one after another they were saying they couldn’t find a partner. How could it be that all these amazing, attractive intelligent women were lamenting about their ability to find a partner?”
— Marcia Inhorn, Professor of Anthropology at Yale and former President of the Society for Medical Anthropology (her website).
None of these articles, at least those I have read, ask the opinion of any men who know these women. Their answers might help these women. Lacking those insights, these women are Going Their Own Way. More stories in what might be one of the big stories of our time: the decline in marriage rates.
The Bolde article given above is by Averi Clements. She is described as a “Brazilian jiu jitsu blue belt. …currently hanging out in Costa Rica with her cat ….” She also wrote “I Wouldn’t Appreciate My Boyfriend So Much If I Hadn’t Dated So Many Toxic Guys” (aka, “I found a nice beta before hitting the wall, after a decade of dating exciting bad boys”).
Although the article is about women, not men, they still deserve pity. These women are on a path leading to a lonely future. And cats. If there are many of them, our society has a serious problem. It is another factor in the decline of marriage.
“Your sex thinks beauty and good nature are the highest claims a woman could possess.”
— Emma’s insight in Jane Austin’s Emma, starring Gwyneth Paltrow.
For more information
Ideas! For shopping ideas see my recommended books and films at Amazon.
- Men are going Galt. Marriage is dying. — A review of books from the cutting edge of the revolution.
- Men are abandoning the rat race, & changing American society. — See the data.
- Why men are avoiding work and marriage.
- Part 1: Will young men break America’s family structure?
- Part 2: Will today’s young men marry? America’s future depends on the answer.
- The coming crash as men and women go their own way.
- The coming crash of marriage: why, and what’s next.
An important book about marriage in the 21st century
By Helen Smith.
Smith is a psychologist specializing in “forensic issues” in Knoxville TN. She has a PhD and two MA’s. From the publisher about this book…
“American society has become anti-male. Men are sensing the backlash and are consciously and unconsciously going ‘on strike.’ They are dropping out of college, leaving the workforce and avoiding marriage and fatherhood at alarming rates. The trend is so pronounced that a number of books have been written about this “man-child” phenomenon, concluding that men have taken a vacation from responsibility simply because they can. But why should men participate in a system that seems to be increasingly stacked against them?
“As Men on Strike demonstrates, men aren’t dropping out because they are stuck in arrested development. They are instead acting rationally in response to the lack of incentives society offers them to be responsible fathers, husbands and providers. In addition, men are going on strike, either consciously or unconsciously, because they do not want to be injured by the myriad of laws, attitudes and hostility against them for the crime of happening to be male in the twenty-first century. Men are starting to fight back against the backlash. Men on Strike explains their battle cry.”