Tales from the front: “He Asked Permission to Touch, but Not to Ghost”

Summary: A woman tells a tale of sexual dynamics in the #MeToo age, after feminism has conquered America. Men have adapted. Women demand even. Post your analysis in the comments.

Love Revolution. From Wikimedia Commons.

He Asked Permission to Touch, but Not to Ghost

By Courtney Sender in the New York Times.
“A culture of consent, one woman argues, should be less about self-protection
and more about genuine care for the other person.”

They file this story under “modern love.” Perhaps they’re kidding. Perhaps not.

He treated her like a goddess. He asked permission for each move. After the second “date”, he promised to “cook me dinner next time: steak with sautéed mushrooms and a fig-balsamic reduction.” After more than a decade on the carousel, this New Woman had found Mr. Perfect. She had found one of the New Men. But he never calls. She decides society must change so that guys don’t pump and dump her.

Read it and post your analysis in the comments. Here is mine: there is always a counter-revolution; it is always unexpected. George Bernard Shaw explained how this works in his play “You Never Can Tell” (1899). Mrs. Clandon is a pioneer of first wave feminist, mother of Gloria. She divorced her husband, raised her children as a single mother (with his money), and lived her own life. Valentine is a master of first wave Game.

George Bernard Shaw

VALENTINE. Have you ever studied the subject of gunnery – artillery, cannons and war-ships and so on?

MRS. CLANDON. Has gunnery anything to do with Gloria?

VALENTINE. A great deal, by way of illustration. During this whole century, my dear Mrs. Clandon, the progress of artillery has been a duel between the maker of cannons and the maker of armor plates to keep the cannon balls out. You build a ship proof against the best gun known: somebody makes a better gun and sinks your ship. You build a heavier ship, proof against that gun: somebody makes a heavier gun and sinks you again. And so on. Well, the duel of sex is just like that.

MRS. CLANDON. The duel of sex!

VALENTINE. Yes: you’ve heard of the duel of sex, haven’t you? Oh, I forgot: you’ve been in Madeira: the expression has come up since your time. Need I explain it?

MRS. CLANDON (contemptuously). No.

VALENTINE. Of course not. Now what happens in the duel of sex? The old fashioned mother received an old fashioned education to protect her against the wiles of man. Well, you know the result: the old fashioned man got round her. The old fashioned woman resolved to protect her daughter more effectually – to find some armor too strong for the old fashioned man. So she gave her daughter a scientific education – your plan. That was a corker for the old fashioned man: he said it wasn’t fair – unwomanly and all the rest of it. But that didn’t do him any good. So he had to give up his old fashioned plan of attack. You know, going down on his knees and swearing to love, honor and obey, and so on.

MRS. CLANDON. Excuse me: that was what the woman swore.

VALENTINE. Was it? Ah, perhaps you’re right. Yes: of course it was. Well, what did the man do? Just what the artillery man does. Went one better than the woman. Educated himself scientifically and beat her at that game just as he had beaten her at the old game. I learnt how to circumvent the Women’s Rights woman before I was twenty-three: it’s all been found out long ago. You see, my methods are thoroughly modern.

MRS. CLANDON (with quiet disgust). No doubt.

VALENTINE. But for that very reason there’s one sort of girl against whom they are of no use.

MRS. CLANDON. Pray which sort?

VALENTINE. The thoroughly old fashioned girl. If you had brought up Gloria in the old way, it would have taken me eighteen months to get to the point I got to this afternoon in eighteen minutes. Yes, Mrs. Clandon: the Higher Education of Women delivered Gloria into my hands; and it was you who taught her to believe in the Higher Education of Women.

————————

“My way of joking is to tell the truth. It’s the funniest joke in the world.”
— From “John Bull’s Other Island” by Shaw.

Crazy Wild Girl - dreamstime_s_42792874
© Photojogtom | Dreamstime.

Dispatches from the front lines of the revolution, by Dalrock

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If you liked this post, like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter. See all posts about society and gender issuesabout feminismabout marriage, and especially these …

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  3. The disastrous results of trying to “have it all”.
  4. The coming crash as men and women go their own way.
  5. Modern women say “follow the rules while we break them.”
  6. “Celebs Go Dating” shows young women in action.
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Books to help us understand the gender revolution

The Privileged Sex by Martin van Creveld. Shattering myths about women.

Cheap Sex: The Transformation of Men, Marriage, and Monogamy by Mark Regnerus (2017). Based on some of the best research available about Americans’ sex and relationships. See Cheap Sex is the Inconvenient Truth in the end of marriage. and Misadventures of a young woman in modern America.

The Privileged Sex
Available at Amazon.
Cheap Sex: The Transformation of Men, Marriage, and Monogamy
Available at Amazon.

17 thoughts on “Tales from the front: “He Asked Permission to Touch, but Not to Ghost”

  1. Oh, boohoo. A “sacred act”? Even her girlfriends mock those words. There is nothing sacred in what she’s been doing probably for the past decade. Furthermore it was women and their cries for consent that brought on the whole asking for permission.

    In my experience it never pays to do that anyway, and contrary to all the you go grrl empowerment, whenever I started acting I was going to just take what I wanted the girl in question would melt like she was in one of those bestselling “romance” novels. I’ll let the reader work out the implications, and close by saying I have zero sympathy, for I can’t even count the number of times I’ve been ghosted or stood up. It comes with today’s Game. Get used to it or stop trying.

    1. Muse,

      I agree. But this guy is clearly a brilliant innovator. He’s turned the “Yes means Yes” into a tool to feed the ego of an American princess, and exploit her desire to feel not just empowered by dominant. It gives him fast easy sex.

      Taking his tactic to the point of genius is knowing when to leave. It’s not something many guys will want to continue for long. It’s the wham-bam-goodbye for dealing with 4th wave feminists.

      “I can’t even count the number of times I’ve been ghosted or stood up”

      Those are privileges of a modern American princess. I doubt the girls feel bad about doing it.

  2. The thing is that women wanted sexual liberation to rut like (some) men do. They got it and now they are still unhappy. Why? Women thought they could change their behavior but thought that the men would still be the 1950’s white knight. Wrong. Women changed so men changed to follow suit.

    Said another way, women wanted to sleep around so men now expect women to sleep around and if they dont, the men move on to someone who will.

    This and others are the great social experiments Larry mentions and he is right. The drastic changes made to society over 50 years to disrupt an apple cart that evolved over 10k years.

    Now to the story NYT. That guy is a smooth apex sexual predator. He covered himself legally. He got the thrill of the chase, got what he wanted, came back a second time to prove that it wasn’t a fluke and is on to the next target.
    .

    1. Sven,

      “Women changed so men changed to follow suit.”

      Exactly. There is always a counter-revolution. Interesting that Shaw saw this so clearly in first wave feminism. “The more things change …”

  3. There’s a Whitesnake song: “Would I Lie To You”. When I first heard it (long ago) I thought it mildly amusing in a schoolboy way. Now, it seems positively prescient. Released in….. 1981. There’s this:

    I’ll whisper all the sweet, sweet nothings
    I know you little girls like to hear
    Now listen
    If you would change your mind
    We could find a night of satin sheet action
    I promise I won’t do anything
    Baby, unless you wanted me to
    And that’s a fact
    Would I lie to you?
    Would I lie to you?
    I would do anything that you want me to
    But would I lie to you?

    And finishes …

    Baby, I would do anything that you want me to
    But would I lie to, would I lie to, should I lie to you?
    Just to get in your pants
    I think so

    1. Steve,

      That’s a great demo of Ecclesiastes’ insight that “there is no new thing under the sun.” I added the Youtube video to your comment.

  4. I don’t believe this tactic would’ve worked without the age gap. Excepting hippies and virginal Mormons, any pablum about a “sacred act” is nonsense. the language of a woman aware that her meal ticket is running out. Ordinarily young women would be too grossed out to put up with such nonsense; her girlfriends have no newfound sentimentality about sex. But after a decade of experience of one-night stands and weekend hookups, the writer straight-up admits she yearns for some semblance of care. Woman, thy name is Epiphany Phase.

    I’ve seen this type of “provider game” start to emerge in NYC. Decent-looking young men with game play on the dual insecurities of older women (29-38) for easy lays. All the feigned respect and reverence appeals to her enlightened feminism; the attention in the face of impeding senescence tickles her ego too much to pay attention to the alarm bells. I’m no fan of it. I suppose it’s practical for guys with limited game but it might as well be scraping the bottom of the barrel. Then again, my sympathy for the women involved is nil too.

    1. NEET,

      Thanks for more context about this!

      I’m too far from the front lines to have any feel for this strange new world. But I can see how it echos the past — which is important to know (but seldom seen).

  5. The United States has not yet taken the Japanese road of infrequent sex, minimal marriage and way-below-replacement fertility. The danger with the #MeToo movement is that, working in concert with our devotion to our screens and our fear of commitment, it could help propel us down such a road. Alternatively, if the #MeToo movement ends up boosting considerate, committed and consensual sex, we may see a revival not only of good sex but of a renewed confidence in marriage and parenthood. As is so often the case with sex, the path America chooses will have enormous consequences.

    – Politico, Feb 2018
    https://www.politico.com/magazine/story/2018/02/08/why-young-americans-having-less-sex-216953

    LOL

  6. 2 points jump out at me
    The ultimate act of caring about the other was the concept of monogamy, marriage and having kids. But since all of that was and has been looked at as oppressive by feminists. This is what they get. Prescribe how a man should treat a woman, and when the good things where not appreciated but criticized and you get a robot in response doing exactly what your prescribed but you still want more. Gift horse mouth looking at it finest (terrible English on my part).

    And did anyone catch that many of her sexual partners don’t come back. Maybe she sucks in bed. Did she ever consider that when a woman is a pain in the ass sometimes you sleep with her just Because you already put in so much effort and endured such BS that a guys wants the reward. Especially if you know she will clearly go for it and if she was a douche to you, it’s easy not to feel guilty about it.

    1. DS,

      (1) “you get a robot in response doing exactly what your prescribed but you still want more”

      The guy in this story is clearly not a “robot.” He has adapted to his time, and knows how to play fourth-wave feminists at their own game.

      (2) “And did anyone catch that many of her sexual partners don’t come back. Maybe she sucks in bed.”

      We can only guess. My guess is that she’s at the wall (ten-plus years sexually active) and wants a “relationship” — aka marriage. She might be a high risk of an “accidental” pregnancy. Guys have fun then leave before she develops “expectations.” It’s easier on the guy, the earlier he walks away.

  7. Want someone to care? GET A HUSBAND.

    We once had a culture of genuine care for women. We once had a culture where men had to demonstrate some sort of care (read: emotional investment) for women to get access to sex. Women dismantled that because they wanted sexual freedom. There is nothing wrong with that, but someone should have told them that women’s liberation would mean men’s liberation as well.

    1. Dragnet,

      “someone should have told them that women’s liberation would mean men’s liberation as well.”

      Nicely said. That’s the problem with changing society without thought or experiments: unintended consequences rule!

  8. I guess this is a new form of game. Metoo pickup – this can only work though on liberal educated women. It works because it puts the woman in charge and women hate being in charge so they are likely to consent to his moves.

    What I notice is that 100% Of these dating articles are always written by women. And 100% of them always blame men.

    1. Paul,

      “What I notice is that 100% Of these dating articles are always written by women. And 100% of them always blame men.”

      I too have noticed that. They’re everywhere, not just in the traditional women’s media. The tend to read as if stamped from a template. I feel sad for most of the authors, lying in uncomfortable beds that they made with such effort.

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